Suicidal Writings

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Suicidal Writings

Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

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	2004.10.31 21.27 You could never understand this. My Chemical Romance. The best music you will ever hear. WOW. <3 Heide. I wish I was inbetween them! Hahaha! No one will ever understand what we go through on the inside. Because they don't know what it's like. To be like me. Mested up and Confused with Emotions Raging. Mood: confused



	2004.10.28 18.14 this is for you. <3 close your eyes. feel my finger tips on your soft skin. feel me swimming in your soul. soaking up all of your being. can't you feel me in my heart? you make me want to be better. you make me want to be me. why do i get these feelings of nervousness around you? my heart beats faster around you. i never know what to say to your face. is there ever anything to say? or am i just speechless in your presence? your words linger in my ears when you leave me. your figure lingers in my eyes. imagining you, in your entirty. your beauty spilling over your soul. your mind is full of insightful thoughts. you understand what's going on inside my head. but if i look into your mind i find a girl who is broken. your heart torn into pieces so many times trying to mend your heart ache. god meant for people to be hurt, and you weren't meant for this. you are too good for this. i'm going crazy thinking about what could be but never will. this is for you. my love. <3 you so bad it hurts. For god has cursed us all with emotions. he gave us a heart for it to be broken. the only way to not have your heart broken, is to not have relations with anyone. that is impossible. everyone will at some point, feel love or lust for someone. there is nothing you can do to stop it or prevent it. sometimes i wish that i didnt have a heart. that i couldnt feel love. its so hard to sit back and watch others, looking so happy, with eachother. i told you how i felt, you havent answered. i will wait for as long as it takes, because i dont rush things like this. it doesnt work like that. [RIP OUT MY HEART AND STOMP ON IT WITH YOUR FOOT] HIGHTLIGHT BELOW TO READ... GODDAMNIT WHY DOESNT ANYONE SEE. I CANT TELL YOU ASSHOLES BECAUSE YOU WONT UNDERSTAND. ON THE OUTSIDE IM A NORMAL TEENAGER. ON THE INSIDE I AM FULL OF RAGE AND SELF HATE. I LOVE TO SEE MYSELF IN PAIN BECAUSE I FEEL AS THOUGH I DESERVE IT. I CANT TALK TO YOU ABOUT ANYTHING. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND. ALL YOU DO IS CRITICIZE. I FUCKING HATE YOU FOR THAT. THATS WHY I DONT TRUST YOU WITH THOSE THINGS. YOU CANT KNOW WHAT I AM THINKING, BECAUSE I DONT WANT YOU TO KNOW. BUT ISNT IT OBVIOUS THAT IM NOT OK? CANT YOU TELL FROM THE LOOK ON MY FACE? YOU FUCKING IDIOTS. YOU WILL ALL DIE, I HOPE YOU DO. YOU MAKE ME FEEL WORSE WHEN YOU YELL, YOU YELL, AND YOU DONT COMFORT. I KNOW ITS WRONG, BUT WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? GO BACK IN TIME AND NOT DO IT?! I WOULD DO THAT IF I COULD. BUT I CANT. SO DEAL WITH IT YOU FAGGOTS. I FUCKING HATE YOU. YOUR ALL FUCKING ASSHOLES. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ME, MY THOUGHTS, MY ACTIONS, MY BELIEFS. YOU NEVER FUCKING WILL. SO FUCKING ANGRY AT YOU FOR NOT BEING THERE. BUT YOU WERE, BUT I DIDNT WANT YOU TO BE. GO AWAY! Mood: angry



	2004.10.24 20.39 homecoming was this weekend. it was fun. went to the dance and yea. everyone looked great. bianca, sara, jamie, emily, jenny, april, oswaldo, larry...meh. damn i have to say, larry in a neck tie is fucking sexy. jamie looked really pretty too. blushes bianca was my sexy bitch too man. she said that she looked bad or something, but she didnt, i liked the dress thing she wore. everyone was horny at homecoming. i was grinding on everyone. and i was having a good time. me and bianca. WOO <3 bianca, jamie, and sara. they all looked sexy! i <3 BIANCA, JAMIE, AND SARA! me with jenny, christina, and sara! <3333 me and oswaldo. hes my man whore! haha. oswaldo and april. aww so cute. me and emily. haha shes attacking me! help! <3 me, annemarie, and bianca! softball buddies! <3333 me and april at her house. much love there <33 ashlee strikes a pose! haha! <33 shannon and her date. but shannon had to put her hand over her face. damnit! ahh oh well. <33 ashlee and shannon's sis. me and bianca strike a pose in the Applebee's parking lot. HAHA larry and his sexy-self, with random guy with a tounge sticking out. haha, that night was CRAZY. <33 larry is so hott. <3 to all my lovers...I <3 YOU ALL!! Mood: horny



	2004.10.17 22.29 its all i see... when i look down at my arms, its all i can see. my anger, sadness, depression, is all painted out on my canvas. my arm was my canvas and a razor was my brush. thinking back on those times, i wonder what the hell i was doing. how could things be that bad? that i had to make myself bleed? leaving scars behind, a grim reminder of my dark past. a past that i wish never took place. but all things happen for a reason. would things have been different if this didnt happen? would i still be the same person i am today? who knows...all i know is that my story is writin out. writin out on my arm, with the many scars to tell it. i went to b&n today. looked at some cd's there, and bianca saw this AFI cd. i am trying to get everyone of them. i think it was like their 2nd or 3rd one. no clue, well then i went up to my dad and was like, 'daddy can this be my late birthday present?' lol and of course he got it for me. then i bought a book and bianca got a cd. t'was fun my friend. im so tired. tired of thinking that i am not worth anything. i just want someone to make me feel whole. someone i can talk to and tell all my secrets. someone to hold. blah. it sucks that i dont have a poem book right now. i filled up my other one, and now i dont have anything to write in. its driving me MAD! what if life were this simple? its beauty so innocent. me in bianca's pool. it was cold outside, and the water was FREEZING. i seem so innocent, so vunerable. tree tops. hampton. my kitty. i <3 him! Mood: awake



	2004.10.16 21.18 change is confusing god this weekend has been horrible. just wish it would all end. im getting really sick of people. to where i dont even want to talk to them anymore. its bad, but its the way it is. sometimes i just sit and think about why people are the way they are. and we are all fucked. i mean everyone screws everyone over. no matter what you do. you cant trust anyone, because they will just go behind your back and screw you over. im really tired of this life. my life-style. i would give anything in the world to change. to become another person in general. with this life...im going no where. its not worth it anymore. i wish it would all fade into black... Mood: annoyed



	2004.10.12 17.04 sink away from here... i wish that i could go so far away that everything couldnt touch me anymore. everything fades into the distance as i walk far away. away from death, hurt, sadness, and rejection. i walk into a field of flowers, so vibrant that the light hits them and blinds me. i think to myself, 'i have never seen anything more beautiful in my life.' but i have. and thats all in the past. all that can be thought about now is the future. a good future, with light and hope. i am eating dinner right now. we are having salmon, greens, and potatos! wooo. im kinda hungry but i have other things on my mind right now. i cant believe it. you think to yourself that nothing like this could happen to you, or one of your friends. and then fantasy becomes reality and you dont know how to deal. god this is so hard. i thought that i had gone through some hard things in my life, but this. wow, never thought i would have to deal with it. but its all ok. it will be ok in the end. tomorrow i have PSATS, oh whoopdy fuckin' doo. i cant wait. three hours with some ppl i cant stand. WOOO! not... i did a bad bad thing. but that over with. wont happen ever. i promised myself that and others. i went to the mall sunday and i got a new poster, its Ville Valo. damn hes fucking sexy. got the fucking hottest green eyes! ahhh! Mood: indescribable



	2004.10.11 18.20 im so empty inside. i cant seem to pull anything from my fragile mind. this sucks. i want to fucking draw or write. but nothing is coming to me. i hate it when this happens. but atleast i am happy. things are all going good. nothing could be better. well i could have a job right now, but idk. i have the application but i need to turn the damn thing in. oh well. im kinda tired, but at the same time i dont want to go to sleep. today on the bus was funny. nikko rode home with his friend, and they were going to go skateboard. so he sat with me. and we talked the whole way. it was great haha. hes so funny. i tried my hardest to hide them. put my protective seal over them. but you saw right through it. was it that obvious? can you see right through me that easliy? i must be stupid to think that you couldnt. no one knows me better than they do. so why wouldnt they be the ones to see it? I LOVE EVERYONE!!! YOU ALL ROCK MY WORLD!!! Mood: annoyed



	2004.10.10 22.30 Fall Children x AFI Fall Children As the cries srart to penetrate still air, this day we celebrate. The wait now ends. From four corners smoke plumes into a reddened sky. In the face of lantern light, tonight my destiny lies. This day so hallowed, from here to forever its will I will follow. Tonight will come to life. Deadended branches stirred by the whispers in the wind. Fall children fill the street at dusk, at last, it all will begin. Mood: crazy



	2004.10.09 22.17 OHHH YEAA such a good mood right now. nothing can crush me. i wont let anything crush you. i told you everything tonight, and i meant every word of it. you are amazing. and i wish you could be mine. time will only tell. i had a great time tonight, it was awsome. we will do it again, i promise, i hope, i pray. GOD. so head over heals for you. and only you. no one has ever made me feel this. it scares me, but i want to feel it. i try and tell you. but its hard. scared you might turn me away. but you arent like that. you are better than that. your friendship means everything to me. i would never lie to you. your pretty self doesnt deserve that. thats why i am writing this to you. my vow to you, that i will never hurt you or do you wrong. x For Ever and Ever x Mood: happy



	2004.10.09 05.12 BORED i am so fucking bored right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i went to bed yesterday at like 3 and then woke up this morning at like 730. i had some weird dreams. about this one person. idk, i think i still like them alot. OMGGG!!!!!!! i got the My Chemical Romance CD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHH I LOVE AMY!!! SHE BURNED IT FOR MEE!!!!! DAMNIT MCR IS THE FUCKING BEST!!!! EVERYONE SHOULD LOVE THEM!!!! GO OUT AND BUY THE CD...THREE CHEERS FOR REVENGE!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS THE AWSOmEST!!!!!!!! X I LOVE GERERD WAY!! X IM NOT OKAY!!!! WELL IM NOT OKAY WELL IM NOT O FUCKING KAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE MCR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mood: dorky



	2004.10.03 12.36 Weirded OUT last night was strange. i dont know what really went on, but its all good. im very content with life right now. yesterday i went and looked for a job, and i got a whole bunch of applications for places. hopefully someone will hire me. i REALLY need the money. i need to buy some shit. i was talking to someone last night, and it made me feel really bad how much they were hurting. i couldnt do anything for them. once i get some money, i am going to be like all nice to people. i will buy them things, cuz well i like doing that. i so wanted to buy this one person a dozen roses. but yea, i dont have money, and i dont know if that would help MY situation. my hair looks like shit right now. i didnt take a shower last night, cuz i dont have any shampoo or conditioner. so my hair gel is still in there. HAHA i can like make it all stand up. SOOOO FUNNY! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!! mmmhmm ok. Mood: content



	2004.09.29 16.22 ramblings today was just a horrible day. i wanted it to end, but it didnt. why. such a humourous question. when someone asks why. they want an explanation. there is no explanation for anything. you cant just explain the acts that you do. things arent always good. one minute you could be fine. the next laying on the floor in a pool of blood. not knowing what you are doing or just did. you are oblivious to everything around you. nothing makes sense. never will. you cant just move on and forget. its not as simple as that. its a complicated method. one in which there will be no forgetting only healing. loved ones will be hurt, minds will be corrupted, scars will be formed. this is hard to explain. because in all reality, there is no explanation. we do the things we do for certain reasons. but these reasons are unknown or unspoken. i cannot talk about that night. its hard to not tear up. if i wasnt here i would have missed out on so much, and i hate to think about aht. im scared that i wont wake up one morning. im not ready. i have so much to offer. ^i wrote that last night. i have done something so wrong. i dont know what it is. you backed away from me. like i was repulsive. what has happened to us? what changed? now everything isnt so clear. im not sure what to do now. i feel as thought i have broken your heart i have broken you inside for unknown reasons. why cant you talk to me? by my friend. if not anything else. i almost cried today after i walked away. i wanted to cry and die. please dont be sad. i cant fo through this again. today is just going to be a bad day. you put me down. i dont want to say that. but you did. they say you should be happy. but how can you possibly be happy if your so broken inside? your life is broken. lfe is a compliation which we cannot fix. forever haunting us, reminding us of the bad and never the good. why cant we all just be content with life? we could all just be. everyone had to be in some depressed mood. like we are a program, only having one feeling. depression, sometimes i wonder. but wondering doesnt get you anywhere. ^these two i wrote today. i havent been feel all that happy lately now. today was just bad, i feel like i did something wrong. i have no clue what to think now. ugh, and people are PISSING me off. they are being all bitchy. i wish they would all go away. and DIE. YOU ALL CAN GO TO HELL. Mood: bitchy



	2004.09.28 20.20 Corruption Of An Angel 'Corruptioin Of An Angel' Tonight your face was bare. There was no expression to coat your rosy cheeks. But only a sad, lonely girl on the inside. Your eyes sparkled from the tears you were holding back. The words said sank in so slowly, your heart seemed to crumble into small tiny pieces. It's hard to believe that someone so great can do something like this. That's why it was kept so well. On the inside, the outside shining a light away from a lie. These eyes see your heart ache and feel for you. The thoughts running through your mind are going 1,000 miles an hour. Thinking to yourself, 'What if I did it?' Would that change anything? So much hurt can come from one simple action, and you can't take it back. There's always going to be a reminder for you, telling you what you did. Like a story in itself, telling the world your mistake. You will never really know why though. There is no why. Just you and your thoughts. That day a girl was corrupted. She was brought down by stupid things. Things that shouldn't be there. She cried all night and didn't call for help. No one would understand what she was going through. Her mind was lost, she was lost, no one could save her but herself. ^something i wrote. just kinda came out. i guess its from what i experienced. but who knows. Mood: bored



	2004.09.26 23.13 read me As the night wears on, we can tell that what we talkeda bout will ahunt us the next day. I just wanted to let you know how I felt about the whole thing. But everything has to become something bigger. I'm breaking inside while you sit and stare at the wall. My heart is in your hand, and you are squeezing it unmercifully. Love is spilled out onto the floor. And your try and pick up the pieces of my broken soul. It's no use, I am just a pile of dead feelings. Lie's are not something you can just hold in. You can't hold onto something like that. They will find a way out, and that's what happened tonight. Your lies found their way out, out onto this cold table for all of us to see. I could see right through you from the beginning. But I didn't want it to be true, so I held on. Hoping that it would change. Nothing can change. You can't change something that has been for so long. It's like trying to change the way someone feels about something. On the outside it seems to be working. But really, on the inside, nothing is different. It's all fake. You are fake, your feelings, your smiles, your lies. I hate you. How the hell could you do this to me. I put all i had, all of my trust into you. I loved you, blindly. I wanted to give everything up for you. Yet, you turn around and stab me in the back. I appreciate that. I really do, trust me. You know you can. ^thats something that i just now came up with. i have no clue what its about or where it came from really. maybe some pent up anger that i have been holding in and had no clue about. well yea, i cant really sleep. sucks. well i know i could go to sleep, but i dont really feel like it. i wish i could talk to jamie right now. i wonder what shes doing. maybe shes sleeping right now. or maybe she is still drawing her picture. who knows. shes so awsome. i love the way she thinks, the things that she writes, she the greatest drawer. and she can really play guitar. although i only heard a little of it. it sounded good to me. its weird how i feel about her. its like i think about her all the time. but then again i dont. i look forward to seeing her. i look forward to talking to her. well actually sometimes i dont really know what to say. she makes me feel like i am speechless for some reason. i am not sure if that is good or not. my toungue hurts. i think i am going to paint my nails red now. hmph. i might be falling for her face, but im still liking her personality. shes the most beautiful thing i have seen, and i want her to be my everything. wow i cant stop staring at this rose that she drew for me. its so pretty. ugh, i dont know what to do. its like i am torn between feelings and i know what i want, just cant get it. this sucks. Maybe when the room is empty, maybe when this bottles full, maybe when the door gets broke down love can break in. Maybe when I'm done with thinking, maybe you can think me whole, maybe when I'm done with endings this can begin. If you could be my punk rock princess I could be your garage band king. You could tell me why you just don't fit in and how you're 'gonna be something. Maybe when your hair gets darker, maybe when your eyes get wide, maybe when the walls are smaller there will be more space. Maybe when I'm not so tired, maybe you could step inside, maybe when I look for things that I can't replace. If you could be my punk rock princess I could be your garage band king. You could tell me why you just don't fit in and how you're 'gonna be something. If I could be your first real heartache I would do it over again. If you could be my punk rock princess, I could be like heroine. I never though you'd last, I never dreamed you would. You watch your life go past, you wonder if you should. If you could be my punk rock princess So I could be your garage band king You could tell me why you just don't fit in and how you're gonna be something If I could be your first real heartache I would do it over again If you could be my punk rock princess I could be like heroine. You know you only burn my bridges You know you just can’t let it sink in You could be my heroine You could be my heroine ^Heroine x Something Corporate some of those lyrics are wrong i think. i got them off some site. cuz i dont feel like fixing them. yea. ok im going to bed or something. i heart you. <3 Mood: indescribable



	2004.09.26 20.33 i am so T I R E D my door is open, i want to close it. but i cant. wanna know why? so do i. i got my hurr cut saturday. its so fucking awsome man! its super-duper short and its all emo like. i LOVE emo girls and guys!! ahhh specially that someone i like...erm. cough JAMIE cough. haha! im a dork. im retarded. can i be your pet? <3 to you love. Mood: tired



	2004.09.24 21.31 woo. yea, im bored. i could have spent the night at sara's house but i wasnt feeling up to it. jamie called me. :). it was nice to hear her voice. shes so sweet and deserves so much. i just wish i could give it all to her. C:\Documents and Settings\Owner\My Documents\My Pictures\logo_8.gif i dont know if that will work, but i am trying to figure out how to put a picture on here. ah yes today was crazy. i kinda felt like crying all day and wanted a hug. im really scared of whats coming up. November 18, 2004. i hate that date now. im glad that i am alive to relive it. bianca is writing a story about it and i cant read it without crying. because its all about 'what if'. what if it did work? what if i was dead right now? what if? sometimes i think god is trying to punish me for all the sins that i have commited in the past year. i think i deserve it though. im so gross. erm, i wish i could just shrink. SNEEZE! ahhh i hate having allergies. goddamnit, i dont have any fucking batteries and the camera isnt working. FUCK. oh well i guess i will sit here, and um wait for jamie to get online. and listen to music and shit. PEACE AND NOODLES. its all about you beautiful. i want you to be my everything. :) Mood: hopeful



	2004.09.21 21.45 LISTEN AND READ why wont you listen to me. you dont believe a word i say. and its all the truth. its just a fucking lie to you and i give up. i tried so hard to show you, but you blew it off. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSE! woohoo. its the big 15 for jesse! haha youngin! im all sickly. i cant breathe, i have been sneezing all fucking day. my throat kinda hurts, only when i cough tho. people just dont listen and its pissing me off, but you know what. FUCK IT. i give up. if they dont want to listen or believe what i have to say. thats their loss. GODDAMNIT. http://www.warnerreprise.com/asx/mychemicalromance_imnot_56-v.asx ^My Chemical Romance -- Im Not Okay...the new video. haha! i went to wal-mart and got jesse all this candy for his birthday. i mean i didnt know what to get the kid. and i got him a disney bag, with like all the little disney people on it. its so fucking rocks! ok im out. im sleepy. PEACE AND NOODLES. i wish you would listen to me. MY BUM IS ON THE CHEESE! O O 0 Mood: aggravated



	2004.09.19 21.41 im sorry im sorry. im sorry that im not perfect. im sorry that i cant do some things. im sorry that i am not as pretty as them. im sorry that i am not as skinny as them. im sorry that i have done stupid things in the past. im sorry that i tried to hurt myself. im sorry that i trired that hurt you. im sorry that i caused so many pain. im sorry that i lied. im sorry that i didnt ask for help. im sorry that i didnt tell you. im sorry that i took those pills. im sorry that i picked up that razor. im sorry that i lied so many times. im sorry you dont believe me all the time. im sorry that i am not smart enough. im sorry that you cant love me for who i am. im sorry that i am so sad. im sorry that i cry so much. im sorry that i was born. im sorry that you love me. im sorry that you hate me. im sorry that i hate myself. im sorry for everything. there are so many things that i am sorry for. i am sorry that i didnt listen to you. that i didnt listen to anyone when you told me he was a prick. im sorry that you didnt believe me when i said 'i love you'. im sorry that i love anyone. im sorry that i cant hate everyone. im sorry that i cant just dissapear. im sorry that i cant die. im sorry that i am alive. im sorry for everything. IM SORRY. Mood: depressed



	2004.09.19 11.33 umm ok this has already become the weirdest/coolest day ever. wow and i dont know what to say. but i am not going to make a big deal out of this because i know what will happen. PEACE AND NOODLES Mood: confused



	2004.09.18 17.38 erm... erm im sitting here listening to HIM. they are such a good band. WOW. last night i spent the night at my dads with bianca. it was fun. although she left me in the living room by myself. i didnt really care tho. i was TIRED. then today we were supposed to go somewhere, but we didnt. its all good. we took a nap for a really long time, and i had some fucked up dreams. school is going good. i like my teachers. its so much more of a challenge than last year. i think thats why i like it so much. but yea. i have a crush on someone, and i REALLY like someone. whom which i am not going to name, because they know how i feel i hope. BLEH! why does life have to be so complicated sometimes. i mean why cant it be just simple and pretty. course not, thats not how the world works. it sucks. sometimes i wish i could get you out of my head. i am jealous of her. i dont know how your relationship with her is, but i am jealous. i cant help it. i really feel something for you. and it sucks that i cant really do anything about it. i have a shitload of homework to do, so i think i am going to get started on that. DAMN, i have to write 6 journal entries 250 words each for english. now thats what i call a challenge. humph. its cool tho. PEACE AND NOODLES i think i might love you. but its too early to say that. so i will keep it inside. i will not take that word or our relationship for granted. Mood: calm



	2004.09.12 23.48 everything is ok.. everything will be ok in the end. i promise you this. <3 i <3 that someone special. although i dont know who they are. Mood: good



	2004.09.12 23.21 i hate lonelyness. and i cant make it go away. its 1122pm and im still up. its a school night too. i want to go to sleep but i cant. i wish someone, anyone, was here and we would just lay in my bed and cuddle and makeout. like something really romantic. idk lately i really want a "real" relationship. but it seems that no one is interested in me or something. life is just really hard sometimes. i just read someones journal and it didnt really help. idk it seems like everyone has the perfect life, then i look at mine. it sucks. i dont know how to feel about some people. im tired of being so fake. now im crying, and i dont know why. cant anyone help me? of course not. im helpless. why cant i just have someone who lives near me? i could sneak out and we could talk and be with each other. thats all i want right now, someone to be with who cares. Mood: gloomy



	2004.09.11 18.05 w00t wating for bianca to get here. shes so SLOOOOOW. Mood: anxious



	2004.09.08 17.12 school is ok its not what, wednesday. today was the second day of school. it was pretty cool the first day. i saw some ppl i havent seen all summer. i got my schedule, and its pretty nice i think. 1st- Biology 1 2nd- Health/PE 2 3rd- French 3 4th- Geometry 5th- Concert Orchestra 6th- World History 7th- English 10 i have bio with sara and jesse. health with NO ONE! ahhh. french with bianca and amy and jamie! yay! geometry with emily. orchestra with april, of course. HAHA. history with some ppl, im not really friends with but i know them. english with no one. but i dont care. i like my teacher. this year isnt going to be that bad. i have 5th lunch odd days with april and caitlin. then 3rd lunch even days with BIANCA, SARA, and JESSE! w00t! thats the best fucking lunch! ahhh! ok well thats all i have to say. so go poo on your lawn or something. PEACE AND NOODLES Mood: dorky



	2004.09.04 06.59 w00t my bug bites itch like a bitch. last night was great. it was biancas dads 40th birthday. and i gave him a manicure, a hawk, and lots of LOVE! i love him! we have school tuesday. im kinda nervous idk why. cuz i dont know if i will be able to find my classes and...i want classes with someone! anyone! ahhh! i miss everyone. emily, april, oswaldo, jesse...:(. its all good tho, i will see them soon enough. i had a dream that i saw them. it was nice. although i was in geometry and i thought i had mrs. ager. damn i hated her. she had that defected finger. DURRR! haha i went to the eye doctor yesterday and i am getting glasses. i dont get them for about 2 weeks tho, so no one at school will know what i look like with them until like 2 weeks after school. its going to be weird. i have to wear them all the time. oh well at least me and bianca have to wear glasses all the time together. i hope i have some classes with her next year. that would be cool, cuz we didnt have any classes last year. mainly because i was on freshman team. whatever the hell that was. but this year is going to be fun. our friend annemarie from softball is going to our school and shes a freshman and we are going to homecoming. so its not like we are not going to do anything. and i am hoping to get to know my neighbor a little better. hes really cute but i havent talked to him yet. so i need to get to know him. but from far away he looks like brian kendrick. AHHH i love that. its so fucking awsome. i went to bed last night at like 1230 and i woke up this morning about 545. WTF. ahh damnit. well its all good cuz i went to sleep at like 1 in the afternoon and woke up at 6. ok well this is boring so im going to watch tv or something. SATURDAY MORNING CARTOONS BITCH! PEACE AND NOODLES Mood: stressed

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